Need to figure out if your spouse is cheating? Need proof to confront or confirm the nature of the cheating? Need proof for the lawyer? Any of these options could be illegal in your state! I have to tell you that! Use at your own legal and moral risk!
Download and use technology. Often.
- Use internet searches for programs (free and paid) that work with your spouse’s type of phone to download deleted text messages.
- Figure out if you can retrieve hard deleted emails. That means they were deleted once, then again “permanently.” Ha! That’s how I knew The Player and Ground Zero Whore were still talking and trying to fuck. If you have your emails connected to a server you can for sure retrieve them in Outlook for Windows (there’s a handy button under file).
- Try to load a key logging program on your spouses computer. If you have the sites they go to (dating sites, email programs for secret email accounts, Facebook) you will be able to get their login names and passwords from their key strokes. Very handy! Especially to figure out if they have a secret Facebook account or email to communicate their affair partner/s.
Use technology you have control over.
- Did you know you can get three months of the phone numbers only (sorry no messages themselves) for phone calls and text messages from your cell phone company? You might be able to and it is certainly worth checking into. You can use the numbers you find that have multiple contact points and do a phone reserve to find out a name.
- VAR. Know what this is? It’s a voice activated recorder. You can purchase one as small as a flash drive or small tape recorder that record hundreds of hours. Stick that baby in their car to find out what’s being said.
Bust them on technology they are using to have an affair. Watch out for apps.
- Words with Friends. They have chat on the inside of the game as well as other games.
- KIK, is a texting program so you don’t have to use your phone number, just wifi and a name and password.
- Call and Text Eraser app (CATE)
- Vaulty Stocks app
- BlackBook app (for Blackberry)
- Mobile Vault app
- Twitter and Facebook have a direct message component
- Look for any new app you don’t recognize and get your ass online to see if it’s a cover for an app that helps cheaters
Other ways they can contact their affair partners.
- Burn phones/dump phones. These are relatively cheap and simple to use. Look for extra charging cables, check their cars, or their office if you have access. Check the garage tool cabinets, as I personally found out was a great hiding spot.
- Through friends. One of the worst ways spouses can contact their affair partners is through friends. Friends serve as liaisons between the cheater and the affair partners. Pay attention to what friends of your spouse are avoiding you. This tells volume. This means if they are contacting certain friends more often, it’s worth it to check out. Especially check it out if you have a spouse that is hanging out with a friend you know is a cheater or has cheated on their spouse in the past.
- Use your intuition. You have a gut feeling your spouse didn’t cut it off after you found out (you can’t believe how much of a regular occurrence this is) it’s probably true. Spouses have a hard time letting go of the fantasy, at least that was true in my case. Even though my husband was telling me he wanted to work it out and he went through the motions of working it out (lies by omission, not putting all into therapy, acted withdrawn and confused) we were not “working it out.” The few months affair lasted another few until I caught him again.
Be smart. If you’re in danger. Just fucking leave that dick.