Dear Affair Partner

I am HER. I’m the pretty (thanks for the compliment) wife to The Player. You knew he was married and had kids. You knew I knew nothing about you two. Is that what made your little affair with him so fun? Good for you. You did it.

For the time you were involved with my husband, I may have looked stupid, but I still had my self-respect and dignity. As horrible as it was to discover your affair, I would take that over being you.

Lucky me, I am privy to all of your text messages, emails with my husband and on several occasions you said, “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Really? That was not conveyed when described how you like my husband to fuck you, nor in the texts about you being horny after talking to him and it certainly wasn’t evident in the horrible things you said about your husband’s sexual abilities or the size of his dick. Nice. Your communications were especially entertaining because of your claims to care about my husband deeply after mere days, your lies about being worried for me if I found out about you, your hundreds of texts hanging on my husband’s compliments and you thinking he cared anything about your frivolous shopping and parties. Your husband must be a “very understanding man” as you described in one of your conversations to put up with your sorry, fake, cheating, fucking ass.

Did it make it easier to continue the affair because he told you I was boring in bed? Fat? Maybe he said I was a bitchy wife? Maybe he said he wasn’t happy? I hate to burst your bubble, “Baby,” but you were deceived too. I’m not any of those things. He lied to you too, about all of it. The only thing wrong with our marriage is his lack of character and morals. I’m a wonderful wife, mother and partner. I am also beautiful and self-confident and what’s more, I don’t need validation from drunk strangers traveling for business in bars like you to tell me that I’m “amazing” and “hot.” I already know I’m amazing and hot. The Player told me this wasn’t your first affair so I can only assume you go to a lot of bars to find your prey and to be preyed upon.

Your blatant disregard for marriage vows show such a lack of character it’s pathetic. And yes, I am saying this about him too. He’s pathetic and has no character either. I don’t expect you to take all of the responsibility for what you’ve done or the pain you caused – because The Player is an asshole too – you also contributed to the potential termination of a family. My kids’ family. Why?

Was the sex with my husband that good? He told me every detail of your fucking. Not impressed. Were the feelings of being fucked by a man who isn’t honorable and doesn’t have the fortitude to stop doing what he knows to be wrong, that strong? You know what, you fucking whore? If he’s not willing to become something better than what you know him to be – you can have his sorry ass. I mean, until he meets another whore like you, ready and willing to do him at the drop of a compliment. A woman who does this must not think very much of herself to take the scraps of a man when he can only fit her in with stolen moments in between lying to your spouses. It seems ironic (and also a waste of precious time) so many of the texts between you two were just to find out when you could text.

Do you want to know how to be a better human? Treat people better. Don’t encourage men to cheat and don’t treat other women with distain by going after and fucking their men. Treat your man better. Don’t you think YOU deserve better? If not you, then maybe your husband deserves better. Let him move on to someone who can respect him and a marriage vow.

Be more than a cheap affair with someone’s broken husband and don’t hang out with other whores who condone affairs. Cover your fake tits in public (nice topless shot of you from the pool). Don’t give yourself away to any dick in a bar willing to tell you what you want to hear. Start believing in yourself from within. It must be buried deep somewhere. Because, for certain when you were a little girl you didn’t aspire to be the kind of woman you’ve become, right? You didn’t purposely become an unpaid whore did you? You didn’t grow up to be fucked and played by broken men, right? Please tell me you had different dreams for yourself. If not, that’s fine, but I don’t know, maybe you should think about becoming more than a large, vacant, miserable place for a man to put his dick.


This letter as part of a series of letters from betrayed spouses to affair partners and submitted for publication by my readers (thank you readers). Here is information to submit a letter to be published. 

Dear Affair Partner

Hi Affair Person,

You don’t know me, but I know you really, really well..  How weird is that?

I’m WH’s (wayward husband’s) wife, xxx, and I want you to know that this week-end I asked WH to move out.  You’re probably thinking that this has nothing to do with you, well you’re wrong.  This has everything to do with you.  For the last 8 years I have tried every single thing in my power to get over your affair with WH and I can’t.  I want you to know that.  

For the last eight years you have been living inside my head making me feel useless and ugly and sad.  For the last eight years everytime I am happy for a moment your voice inside my head reminds me that WH slept with you.  Everytime WH touches me I have the image inside my head of him touching you.  Everytime he has sex with me your voice inside my head tells me you are so much better at it than me.  Everytime he tells me he loves me, I imagine him saying that to you.  Everytime I look in the mirror you are there telling me I’m not thin enough, or pretty enough, or sexy enough.  Everytime he tells me he is sorry for sleeping with you, your voice whispers that he actually enjoyed every minute of it.  Everytime he goes to work I picture him flirting with you.  Everytime he has to sleep away from home I imagine him sleeping next to you.  And it kills me, or rather I wish it did, because I would rather be dead than live like this.  It sucks every bit of joy out of my life.  So finally last week I realised that I couldn’t go on like this, I realised that the pain of living with WH is probably worse than the pain of living without him and this weekend I asked him to move out.

You’re probably wondering why it took me 8 long years to figure this out – it didn’t, in fact it took me exactly one second to figure it out.  The very moment that WH admitted that he had slept with you I knew that my marriage was destroyed, but I stayed with him and I tried so hard to fix it, to put all the broken pieces back together.  Why?  Because I wanted my daughters to have the lovely, happy family that I never had and because I love the stupid man.  I genuinely love him.  He may not be “hunk of the month” and he may be the most unromantic man that ever roamed the planet, but I love him and I dreamed of getting old with him.  Not going to happen.  Not only did you steal all those nights with him, when he slept in your bed instead of mine, you stole my future with him.  And I need you to know that.  

What you and WH did destroyed my dignity, it stole away my self-esteem and it made my children more miserable than I ever wanted them to be.  You have to understand that.  

After the affair, when you moved on I stayed right there, stuck in that moment, picturing my husband having sex with you.  And I’m still there and you know what?  I will always be there.  My marriage will never recover from what you and WH did to it and I will never recover from what you did to me.  I will never be truly happy ever again.  So I hope the sex with WH was mind-blowingly orgasmic.  I hope it was the kind of sex you will never forget.  Because I never will.  I hope that sex was worth every single moment of pain my daughters and I have had to go through in the eight years since then and will continue to go through forever.

So why am I sending you this email, what am I hoping to get from it?  I certainly don’t want, expect, or need an apology.  You are not a very nice person, so I don’t believe you are sorry for what you did. I don’t want, expect, or need a response to this email, because nothing you or WH ever say or do can erase what you did.    What I am hoping is that the next time a married man asks you for sex you will take a moment to think about it, you will remember this email and you will say NO.


This is the first letter as part of a series of letters from betrayed spouses to affair partners and submitted for publication. Here is information to submit a letter to be published.