I’ve missed being here with you. I have a lot to tell you.
The most recent fucked up thing is that I had to fire our CSAT from working with me in group and in couples’ counseling. Last time I was in group with a handful of other women he shussed me (again), only it was with more gusto. He also cut me off at the end after encouraging me to share when I was literally crying. He’s frequently annoyed or irritated with me. In the past, his behavior was so slightly nuanced that only I had noticed but over the weeks a woman in the group said something to me. The last time I was in group it was overt. Even the other people in the group told me while talking outside they couldn’t believe it, either. The behavior had been increasing in frequency and intensity.
So I sent him an email the next morning say I would likely leave group because of his behavior towards me. All of what I said was based on how I felt, nothing accusatory, but that I felt this and felt that. He replied back that he knew what I was talking about, had some perspective on me, and would like to talk to the group about it, oh and he said he saw me “somewhat differently” than the rest of the members and didn’t now how to address it. He said he was sorry three times but only about how I felt, he was not sorry for his behavior. It was not what I expected or needed. At the end of reading that email, I knew my “likely leave the group” moved to “hell no, no fucking way would I ever go back to that group.”
I said no, didn’t feel like being a focus of a group discussion and whatever he didn’t like about me (strong personality, call him out, speaking up in group, etc probably, maybe?), but I would talk with him over the phone. He said he’d rather talk in person but I wasn’t comfortable then he told me he couldn’t talk yesterday because at the end of the week he is depleted, and he only had 10 min increments Monday for me. So I said forget it. You go your way, I’ll go mine, thanks for all you did for The Player that has helped us. I said The Player would probably still see him for group but our couples’ counseling is out. Bye!
Another loss.
Another man who broke my trust.
Another hurt to get over.
Another thing to accept.
Another thing to be fucking pissed about and move on from.
Luckily The Player earned a lot of cred by being great about the situation, saying he will leave this CSAT if needed, either if I want it at anytime or if he doesn’t think the CSAT can handle working with him without the bias against me clouding the situation.
I’ve process it but am pissed because he had an issue that influenced his behavior as a therapist in treating me and didn’t fucking deal with it. Omission is lying. I believe I’ve had enough lying liars in my life, don’t you? I don’t think I need it from a therapist, too. Another fucking liar and one who depends on honesty in his work in order to help people. I sure hope he bring this to his own therapy. Because it’s fucking bullshit and fuck that.
I’ve clearly worked my way into the anger phase.
He Played Me 
Oh, for crying out loud. Asshat. Unprofessional. You are well shed of him. Sorry about the fallout and another load of crap to deal with. Maybe you can frame it differently–I had to fire my therapist when I became mentally healthier than him. Bye Felecia!
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Truth be told I think he thought I was pretty healthy because I set limits and boundaries. I walked out of plenty of therapy session feeling and telling both of them things were unresolved for me because too much energy was going to The Player. I “rattled him,” as someone in my group said. BYE FELECIA!
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I had a therapist in my teens who told me she didn’t know why I had been referred to therapy as I seemed happy and down to earth….
I was self-harming, had no hopes or dreams for the future and told her if I wasn’t so scared of death due to my anxiety, I would have tried to kill myself already. I was suffering from severe depression. Needless to say, I didn’t go back!
Some therapists are good for nothing and can only handle a certain “type” of people. Textbook people who fit into a category they read or studied about. Good riddance and onto the next one.
Emmie xo
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We had to fire our CSAT as in my opinion she was too coddling to my H. “It’s okay if he acts out, and he can’t be blamed for it. It took him 30 years to learn this behaviour, it can’t be unlearned overnight.” Um…yeah. It can. You don’t tell an alcoholic – go ahead have a few sips if you need them, it took you “x” many years to become an alcoholic, it will take you time to unlearn that behaviour. (And considering she herself was a recovering alcoholic you’d think she’d get that?).
Our male CSAT (himself a recovering SA) that followed, also sometimes went down the “let’s be gentle on him” route. Fine. Except when it was at MY expense – as it often was. I called him on the BS – and to his credit, he would acknowledge that it wasn’t always the best advice – like when he told my H to not tell me about a book he had suggested he read that would help H prepare for a divorce should it happen…I LOST it when I found out. A lie by omission IS a lie. I told him that secrets and lies were what got him into this mess…NEVER encourage him to keep a secret from me ever again or I would bring him up on charges through his governing body. He readiily admitted he was an idiot.
I have come to the decision that just like doctors – counsellors are human and therefore fallible, and that often those that are led to counselling are broken people themselves who have found a modicum of peace and want to share what they’ve learned. But they’re still broken – just like most of us humans are, and they don’t have any better answers than the rest of us. They are just a good person to unburden to and occasionally get some advice from.
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Amen
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I think your husband should switch too – to me the fact that he acted this way would make me afraid he would take advantage of his position w your husband and undermine you?
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