He Passed!

That is a sarcastic exclamation point, if you must know.

I mean Jesus Christ, I still can’t believe I am married to someone I feel I must have polygraph tested. It’s such major fucking bullshit.

So The Player passed the polygraph in February. The polygrapher called me immediately when he was done and said The Player passed with “flying colors,” but he mentioned something that The Player “remembered” and came clean about.

I know you’ll be surprised to know that The Player remembered he told me a lie about meeting “Christi” at that bar and them having such a short conversation she didn’t even sit down. A lot of partners in the Afterlife of Infidelity have firsthand accounts about this phenomenon called “Parking Lot Confessions.” The Player told the polygrapher before the test started he wanted to clear the air before the test because he didn’t want testing to show his deceit. Apparently, as the story is told now, Christi did sit down at the bar, so the visit wasn’t so much so a “quick visit” as much as it was, “she sat down long enough to have a beer visit” and that my friends, is an example of The Player not wanting to deal with the discussions that would ensue because of his actions.

That is fucking not cool. That is however, being A Dick, and that is one type of person I am strongly against being married to. You know, now that I have a choice. Here’s the thing, is this how it’s going to be now, “little” white lies to navigate? I’ve asked that several times and he’s maintained that is a thing of the past, that he’s strong enough to have hard discussions with me, even when I disagree with him. He’s “solid” in recovery and even as the CSAT calls me “formidable” because I am healthy, know what I want, and am insightful and not afraid to speak my truth, The Player says he can now deal with things head on.

He has been wanting to avoid these types of conversations (this would be the third lie he has come clean to me since New Year’s Eve) because we were doing well, and I had turned the corner out of the trauma. In these three cases, he omitted the truth to cover the appearance or hint of impropriety. The polygraph test revealed what he has been saying for months, he has not tried, in any form, to begin a relationship of any kind with a woman. Even with Christi.

The real kick in the face has come with the conversations surrounding the bar incident since the bar incident. He has been steadfast that the entire situation was fine, that he was never at risk of losing his sobriety. We’ve talked about that for three fucking months. I am not okay with him giving any women (outside of work) his phone number and especially women he wants to help.

This is not negotiable. It won’t ever be negotiable if The Player would like to stay married to me.* I had to state this again recently to The Player and his CSAT because something must keep being lost in translation from betrayed to asshole speak. The Player recently had an epiphany about the situation, yay him. This fucking Christi incident keeps coming up for me though, it is not buried yet. The CSAT asked me why it wasn’t dead yet, why, The Played, why!? I’ve thought a lot about that the last two weeks and I finally know why.

Stay tuned.

*The Player signed a boundaries agreement with me in December and has agreed to this stipulation so I feel safe. There have been many conversations about this general philosophy. 

 

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5 thoughts on “He Passed!

  1. I can’t wait for the next installation… So, BE doesn’t ever go to bars, never has. Never met a single woman in a bar, not even in college. He doesn’t drink a drop of alcohol nor watch sports in bars, etc… I know, he’s wimpy man. 😉 But, there are lots and lots of places like bars for a sex addict and so these types of situations were covered on our original boundary list from summer 2014. What would have pissed me off if this situation had happened to me, was that he was making it about telling me the truth versus not engaging the behavior in the first place. It’s kind of like BE saying he didn’t want to tell me about his NY trip with the OW because he didn’t want to ruin NY for “us.” The problem… his taking her there in the first place. Telling me about it was the honest thing to do. He had ruined NY whether he told me or not. Fucking liars. Just tell the fucking truth from the beginning and take the consequences. That’s what pisses me off. They make it about not telling us because they don’t want to live with the consequences of their own actions. We know they are going to make mistakes, but not lying, is non-negotiable.

    So happy he passed though, after the “disclaimer” of course! Just think, maybe next time he won’t need a disclaimer. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Pingback: The Pilot Light I’m Protecting | He Played Me

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