a (former) cheater’s polygraph during the month of Valentine’s Day, am I right? Good thing I don’t give a shit about that day anymore. A damn trickle truth – a very large one – came out on that day with great gusto.
At the end of the year we had a great therapy session with The Player’s CSAT. Very good. My hypnosis had worked, The Player had made a lot of progress with connecting the fucked up dots from childhood to adolescence to adulthood and why he sought sick, surface relationships with broken women, or “vaginas” as is my current term. Don’t worry, I’m equal opportunity, I’ve called him a dick many, many times. I can even say it cute, when we’re joking around, The Player might say, “I have to go to the store to get some milk and bread.” I will say, “Well don’t be a dick!”
We’re adorable aren’t we? It’s a coping mechanism we’ve used through the years and it works for us. Our CSAT has remarked about it several times. We think the dry/dark humor banter makes him uncomfortable but he respects it too, because we have a way of dealing with hard shit but then using our humor for each other and ourselves.
Anyway, we had a great session. It was toward the end of December that I felt noticeably better about moving forward and letting go of some of the trauma. It was a great way to end the year. We had plans to stay in a cook an wonderful meal and just be together as a family. We got something on the menu that each of us and each of the kids liked and we were set to play games and watch a ball drop somewhere and just be together.
He said something, I remembered something, I asked about him telling a lie, he immediately admitted he did lie and confessed another one. They are what I used to consider a “white lie” but no longer. Every lie is suspect for covering an addict or asshole behavior. I was pissed. I said, “This is how it’s going to be isn’t it? There will always be something for me to find out, something for you to reveal!”
Because he had recently signed a boundaries agreement between us, and it had clear consequences outlined, I feel I have to move forward with a polygraph. I don’t even care to do it. I believe him in where he is right now in recovery, but if I don’t do this I really feel like I’d be sending the wrong message. After midnight I said I didn’t want these to stop us from progressing.
So, I spoke with our polygrapher (fuck I can’t believe I am typing those words and I still can’t believe this is my life) and we have the questions ready. The Player said he was happy to do this to prove the truth, and hopes his willingness to do this shows me his sincerity in what he wants and that is to create a new life with me.
Happy Valentine’s Day to me! Nothing says love like a passed polygraph.