Maybe he can?

I’m a little stunned to report The Player showed sincere empathy last night at bedtime. 

We got into talking about the week and what he learned or noticed about himself. 

Out of the blue when I got quiet, he said, “I know it bothers you and it’s frustrating to you that I am not doing any step work. It must be hard to trust my process because program work is what you know from your family. You trust it and it’s tangible. You can depend on it because you have seen it work. Because of that I really am trying to tell you where my head is at all the time, it’s why I’m trying to show you what I am learning about myself and using new tools and living differently than in the past. It’s why I talk about my feelings and don’t let things build up. I like the program and I get a lot out of by attending meetings and my friendships. I know it’s not step work but I am still working on how to be an honorable man, the man you thought you married.”

Normally if he were showing me empathy he would only say, “I know it must be hard, I can understand how you feel.” This time he expressed that he knew why I wanted the step work and why it was important to me. He expressed my feelings exactly. 

It’s not everything, but it’s something. 

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3 thoughts on “Maybe he can?

    • He did. He doesn’t feel like with the other things he is doing (totals about 8 hours a week in out of house activities re: sex addiction, 3-4 hours of us talking about what he is learning) and the energy to analyze things as well as the conscious thinking it takes to talk to me about everything – including things he would have just stuffed inside before. Plus, he says, he is now conscious of all of his behavior with women – all women – so energy and attention to that. He also talked about the time factor, and he knows he wouldn’t be able to focus on it like it would require at this time. He said he “will” do it when he is ready to move on from the work he is doing.

      It is was it is and it’s enough. For now.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. As long as he is thinking about things, even thinking about the step work, talking to you about it. All these things help. Empathy is a big one. Huge in fact. Such a long long road we are on. Xxxx

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