A little Tuesday fun.

FML.

What’s a Tuesday without spending over an hour on a boundaries worksheet for your cheating, lying ass, sex addict husband, huh?

If you sense my aggravation, you’d be right. The time is a small part of today, I know, but adding all the time together with the couples and individual therapy, discussions, my self-care efforts as a result of his 20+ years of lies and betrayals including some very new agey things, continued worry about my kids’ lives, stress induced state, and me contemplating my future five or 10 years out.

Like I said, FML.

I can’t even believe I have to write, “No personal relationships with women including, but not limited to: secret or personal contact through any form of communication, no offering your help or services of being A Great Guy, no having sex or any kind of emotional relationship with any other person besides your wife.” Along those lines is what I’ve been working on in-between some house work and phone calls. And this! “If you do any of these things here are the consequences (one or all of these things): move out of the bedroom, quit all reconciliation efforts, you move out of the house and we have a formal separation, I move to divorce immediately.”

This is so very fucked up. I think it’s fair to say I hate my fucking life right now.

The CSAT sent an email to both The Player and I after our last appointment and said maybe we should consider The Player going in for some appointments without me, which is basically what I said when we left last week. Fine by me. Very fine with me. In fact, over a week later and The Player hasn’t scheduled an appointment with him, unless he did it today while at work. Go work your shit out, mutherfucker.

Maybe he’d like to analyze why he can be empathetic when others wrong me but somehow can’t when he wrongs me. Maybe he’d like to analyze why he justified it was okay to fuck and have emotional relationships with dozens of women because it wasn’t “crossing the line” into our everyday life and he spent very little money on them (a lot was on expense account, except for that one trip, of course).

If you’re sensing my annoyance with today and the title of Sex Addict’s Wife, you would be absolutely right.

This is a mutherfucking miserable place to be. But hey! He’s in recovery and “we can do this.” Didn’t you know that?

So it’s been a bad day. We can’t have it all, right?

Oh wait. I think I’m clear on that now, I don’t need a gooddamn worksheet for that realization.

 

 

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9 thoughts on “A little Tuesday fun.

  1. I hear ya, and I’m sorry. It does feel like a lot of work and time spent, and for what? To make ourselves feel somewhat comfortable again in our own marriages? To ensure our man-children understand the rules this time around?

    Do you mind if I borrow from this? I’m working on a “needs” list for our next MC session and this is exactly what my boundaries section needs to say. Because I know I will have to spell it out so that a second grader could understand, or H will turn into Bill Clinton & act like he doesn’t know “what the meaning of the word ‘is’, is”…🙄

    Hang in there ☀️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. With my H I have to be really really specific. So specific that it has to be in detail. Example.
    If you are sitting on the bus and a woman sits next to you and starts a conversation you will be polite but cease communication.
    If you get on a bus and the only seat spare is next to a woman you will not sit there.
    Bus, planes, airports, workplace, coffee shops, restaurants everywhere he would chat and flirt.
    Even to the point if he specifies he will be at home at a certain time and he is late he must let me know if he forgets or does not want to interrupt what he is caught up in then it shows I am not as important compared to what he is doing. Night on the sofa buddy.
    Once when I was meeting him after work and I was sitting outside his office building in the cold he was late and texted me he won’t be long because he had to finish some stuff up. I waited 10 mins then left. Another night on the sofa. I know it is harsh but all his life he has kept me waiting for him and I refuse to let that happen to me anymore because I know that his finishing something was always chatting to everyone on his way out of the building.
    I told my H about what yours did and I could see him thinking the same way….it was all innocent. Nope, nothing is innocent anymore and the rules for sex addicts is strict. Too strict? His choice, stay and do the work or piss off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Unfortunately the alternatives aren’t better for my kids. As long as The Player is trying and messing up and correcting and trying and progressing, I will likely stay so my kids have a calm and loving home.

      I think they are worth every chance I can provide. After all, they didn’t ask for this. And their home life is good. I think The Player is sincere in his desire and honest in his efforts -even if he’s stupid- I just think he’s been doing his bullshit for so long, it’s taking a while. But the length it’s taking falls in the “normal” window for such bullshit.

      Like

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