White lies. 

I recently caught The Player in  white lie. 

white lie – noun – a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

Intellectually I know that probably the above is true. He didn’t want to tell me, first, to avoid an annoying conversation I would have been slightly upset about and second, because the woman this white lie involved wasn’t on any lists. Not the fucked list, not the want to fuck list or even the trolling for fantasy list. So while she isn’t fuckable-worthy of The Player, she is on the list of women that has fed needs for ego kibbles for close to 20 years. Well, all women are, of course. 

The Player doesn’t get to be friends with women anymore. He abused the privilege. Forever. 

The white lie is probably nothing, I honestly believe that. However, he is supposed to be telling the truth about everything. Early on his therapist said that is what he should strive for. Sex addicts by nature, are liars. They do it a little and it pays off and so they start doing it for reasons you’d think are ridiculous. They do it because it’s easier. It pays off somehow. For The Player, it’s because he likes to avoid any conflict and also because lying can sometimes make him look better. It gives him something. 

“Sex Addicts” or chronic cheaters are nothing if not selfish. It’s hard for The Player to get out of that ingrained behavior and thinking. It’s not an excuse, just an explanation. 

I’m going to give it a couple of days. I’m going to ask again – I guess like a test – to see if he takes the gentle way out of this white lie. If he doesn’t tell the truth on this, it’s likely it’ll set me back a little because it will trigger memories of him contacting the last whore after his deception was discovered. Lies, lies, lies. 

This is my new shitty reality. Realizing my life will always be impacted by the smallest white lies. 

2 thoughts on “White lies. 

  1. I am so sorry yet I know for myself with the lying I know who I am dealing with I know I married a deceiver and with that I know I will probably be deceived again dealing with him.
    But the truth is that I am stronger now to be able to spin his bullshit into a winning story for me.
    He robbed me of my story I thought we were spinning together.
    He will not rob me ever again because if I am lied to again?
    If he deceives, me, himself, and his family and friends?
    This time I know how to handle myself. What I am capable of. I lost my being and reality for a moment.
    Believe me dear blogging friend that will not happen again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. They really do lie about EVERYTHING. Even before dday I knew my husband lied about silly things. One Saturday morning he told me he was going to the grocery store. He was gone for about 3 hours. He took our golden retriever with him. When he returned home I asked him where he had been since I knew he wasn’t at the grocery store (he didn’t even bring groceries home). At the time I knew nothing about his secret SA life. He kept with his story, so I knelt down and took the golden retriever’s head in my hand and asked her if “Daddy” had REALLY taken her to the grocery store. As if the dog was going to tell on him, my husband blurted out, “okay, okay, I had a business meeting at Starbucks… I thought you would get mad if I had a business meeting on a Saturday, so I lied.” And yet, I was still completely blindsided when he revealed his secret life years later. Just because they lie doesn’t necessarily mean they are cheaters, but it seems cheaters are pretty much always consummate liars. And here I thought he was so bad at lying. Joke’s on me.

    Liked by 1 person

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