Dammit, the sex is still good.

When we covered the rules about my detaching I decided not to give up physical contact and affection unless The Player thought it’d be easier. At mention of my detaching and ground rules, he said, “Maybe no sex!?! I’m going to be very worried if we’re not connected somehow in some way with each other. If sex and affection are all you’ll give me, I’ll take it.”

He knows me well. There really has to be a big goddamned crisis going on for me to not want to fuck him. I’ve always been able to separate life and fucking. We’ve always been able to connect in that way. It was a great way for us to lovingly be together without talking. Like I’ve said before, we are really good at it. He’s excellent in bed and an extremely thoughtful lover, which makes it hard to give up right now. I mean, my fucking world has imploded, I have to give up my orgasms too? That ain’t right. So I shut down that idea of mine pretty fast and he was relieved.

Ironically enough, the “sex addict” doesn’t need much sex. He’d have been fine if we had sex 1-2 times a week. Me? Not so much. I could fuck him every day. (this boggles a friend’s mind) so I have to compromise somewhere in the middle.

I could take him or leave him right now. If I could still take him, that is.

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7 thoughts on “Dammit, the sex is still good.

  1. Same. Having sex is GOOD. He’s never been able to keep up with my drive… and I feel him out, to decide whether I should show my drive because it would make him feel less-than in the long past. Even before we had children. I don’t think I ever even waited a week past giving birth to have sex. I joke that we’d be awful, divorced because – no doubt about it – we’d still be fucking each other all the time. The forbiddenness of it would probably even up the ante. We’ve found a happy medium… somewhere between every day and every two days, depending on if he can have time to build up, kwim? Out of curiosity, I thought I’d mark down every time we have sex on my phone’s calendar, from the start of the New Year. This morning was “Sex 31.” He says, “Not bad for 12 years and 3 kids on!” I reminded him that we’d be having even MORE sex, divorced. And we laughed. That’s why he gets no slack for having “only” emotional affairs… I doubt he’d have been able to even get it up. I tap him dry and always have. What hurts is that he gave, freely, to other women, the one thing he had never given me. Real intimacy. We have that now, when I stop being afraid long enough to let HIM in, for a change.

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    • Insist,
      Yes! I know what you mean! Same here… with each of the whores he couldn’t get it each time. This made me enormously happy. For mine, he never really gave them much but time, energy, certainly not himself. I knew him the best for sure, but even that was broken. We’re on a little break from reconciliation, which is sad, but necessary for now. He’s still in the home though.

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      • Yep. They don’t get credit for not having sex when they’re not ABLE to have sex.

        Selfish-Prick Husband to OW: “My wife is neglecting my needs and doesn’t care. I want to take things slow and get to know you.”

        Bullshit Translator: “I don’t give a shit about my wife’s needs or concerns and she’s trying to fuck her way into *some* intimacy. I’m not making real sexual advances to you, Darling Whore, because I CAN’T get it up and telling you that my wife jumps on my cock every time there’s so much as a half-chub going would make me look like a big, fat LIAR.”

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